What a year 2020 was - filled with turmoil and uncertainty. We survived and beginning to move again.
As always, this time of year brings on its dark moments, but this year, I have returned to living a day at a time. I have been checking in with myself more frequently to ensure that I am still open to the roads that may present new opportunities to live my life with new purpose.
This year, after 11 years without Bill, I have come to realize that there must be something I’ve missed along the way because this loneliness is unhealthy.
This year, I’ve become more obsessed with making things more tidy, to cleaning my social footprint, in order to move ahead without feeling like I need to stay with being an “us”. Maybe this is the partial answer that has been alluding me.
Many have mentioned that I should have been more open to another relationship. Indeed, at first it was NO WAY, then came the time of ok - if I met someone. But more recently, there is a growing concern (scare) - could I survive another such loss? Kinda messed up right? Hence, the always checking in with myself, to ensure to remain open to new challenges and successes.
I sometimes (SOMETIMES) miss the early days (years) of my grief; not the ache and confusion, but the simple feeling of being connected to Bill. I need to keep reminding myself that he will forever be with me in my heart and therefore he will continue with me on my journey.
