Sunday, April 8, 2012

Your heart in my words ...

Dear Bill,

In this second year I am left wondering how did we get here?

How is it that you went away?

Some days I have only the distance between us; left wondering what of the promise we made?

We have become stronger living through the many years of turmoil that made us appreciate deeply and celebrate fully the times of joy.

Then there are the sweet days when I can still feel your heart in my words.

I take comfort in God's promise that we will one day be together again.

In the meantime, thank you for your presence, for letting me feel your heart in my words.

Your loving wife forever.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Crazy Lady with Hatchet ...

People who know me well, know this about me - don't get me riled!  If you do, you had better hope that you are not under the same roof because you will either be drafted into the cleaning army or you will suffer my hostage crisis intervention tactics and be subjected to my very loud country and western music.  No disrespect to all you country and western music lovers ... I do have many beautiful albums ... but I tend to listen to them very loud when I am upset or frustrated because it is nice to know someone else is feeling the blues!

Well, yesterday was such a day and because I have managed to keep my home really tidy over the last few weeks, I unleashed it all in my back yard!  I continued to rake away at the ground, raking away all the death to make room for new life.  Sparing my neighbours my wrath, I plugged myself into my iPod, pumped up the volume and went at it.  Wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow, I carried all the dead leaves, spent evergreen needles and yes, the first layer of ground up to the end of the street and dumped it! 

The recent cold weather and snow has hampered my progress a little so I got as much as I could done.  Feeling still very antsy, I looked around at the work I have accomplished and my eye came to rest on a poor unsuspecting tree.  How many times have I looked at my sketched canvas to have my eye always stopping at this tree.   What an irritant!

Taking a few steps forward towards the tree, I began to assess the situation.  I stooped down, hmm ... about 10" in diameter; stood up and extended my neck looking up, hmm...  about 15' tall ...  useless to the eye and its canopy really affecting the sunlight spilling into the deep back yard.  I paced back towards the yard assessing where 15' would land.  Nowhere near the house!  And so began my adventure of "chopping" down a tree with a hatchet and a sweet saw! 

Chop a little here and there ... remembering my early days as a Girl Guide and the fabrication of lean-to's having to chop down some good size supports.  Chop harder here and large bits of wood started flying in every direction.  Sweat began to pour but not once did my resolve damper.  A little precision work with the sweet saw and back at hacking away at the trunk.  A smile grew brighter in my heart and made its way to my face ... yup another "me" idea! 

Stepping back, I admired my work thus far only to realize that all I needed was a good shove!  TIMBER!!!!  The cracking sound and ultimate thump on the ground made my heart roar!

I cleared the trunk of all the branches, hauling them to a pile thinking the boys will be earning their eats when they come to help finish clearing my canvas.  I attempted to drag the trunk but realized that my emotions and physical had finally come together.  I was pleasantly spent, drunk with the exhilaration!

As I look out in the back yard this morning, I groaned!  Instead of a tree, there is now this ugly stump looking like a beaver has had a feast leaving a rather nasty white beacon!  More cleaning ... or shall I say clearing.

*Groan* ...