My first real memory came to me yesterday morning. A flashback to Bill's face. Up until now, memories have been filled with only his presence occupying the memory. Memories of his long legs coming down the stairs, his white hair glistening in the sun or his long lean hands on the steering wheel. But yesterday, while in the bathroom, I happen to notice his reading glasses on the bathtub ledge and the flashback of those same glasses on the end of his nose, looking up at me with that warm smile that was mine and mine alone, came rushing into my brain and exploded in my heart. It was bitter-sweet. It lasted but a moment and I stood still trying to recapture the moment; it did not come. My heart sank then soared. My heart healed a fraction in that moment.
I shared my experience with my youngest son. He asked when this happened and when I told him it was this morning, he smiled. He hesitated for a moment then told me he had had a dream ... that same morning. In his dream, the front door opened and he heard his father's voice saying "I'm back." Quiet. I asked softly, "What did you do?" More hesitation, then release. He says, "I let him have it! I went up to him, face to face and let him have it!" Using many descriptive words, my son shared his anger with his father for playing such a cruel joke. Quiet. I asked, "Did it feel good to let all that go? To let him know what was in your heart?" "Yes." My heart sank then soared. My son's heart healed a fraction in that moment.
Thank you Bill.
Know that your loved ones are enshrined in memory forever, you will never forget their beauty and grace. ~ Esdeer