To keep track of the photo of the day challenge, I created a list and posted it on the fridge door. The list took up two pages and when came time to flip the first page, I realized that there were 32 days in January.
Taking a closer look at the list, I noticed that my youngest son had added his own ... #32. Seth's Love - :) Have a great day! Yup! Made my day!
Although my youngest one always seems to make a comment about how many shoes I have, there really is not much in my closet. I am simple and practical. I know that for many, today's challenge would be the subject of one year's worth of postings!
So here goes ... work
ahhh .... relax ....
Now if I could only learn to walk in the last ones without falling up the stairs, I would have it made!
There is a certain time of day, when all is still and the lighting holds a promise of a beautiful day. This was one such morning when everything seems so promising with the lighting turning everything blue.
Ever have the pebble in your shoe?You know, the one that really doesn't hurt but annoys the heck out of you?That pebble that irritates and makes you raw, yet you are so busy getting to your destination, you tolerate because it does not have you stop to clear your shoe before marching forward?
Well this would be an "ah ha" moment for me today.It has been almost 18 months since Bill's death.There was no putting my shoes on at first ... and when I did, it was difficult to put one foot in front of the other.Destination?What is that?All the while, you feel everyone focused on you ... making sure that your shoes are still on, or being so bold as to pointing out that you have them on the wrong foot, all the while coaxing you to take those steps.
After a while, there is an expectation that you have done this long enough and you must know by now how to lace up your own shoes.And a little while more, that you can walk the path.Then comes the questions of, "How are you?" After this comes not the question but the statement, "It is so nice to see you moving forward!"All the while, you are left with the pebble in your shoe!
Indeed, the hurt is not the same; the journey made lighter by acceptance of a new lifestyle, but that dang pebble is still in your shoe!There is something there, annoying you always and you really do not know how to articulate your annoyance with these expectations.All the while, your mind says, "I am not better.It does not hurt less.It is simply that I have learned to live with it!"How do you articulate this without putting a downer into it?
I am certain that I will never know what it is like to live without the pain of losing Bill.But like the person who learns to deal with their chronic pain, I am learning to live with mine.My life is made complete by knowing Bill;it is now about learning how to deal with this chronic pain for I accept it will never go away, yet there is a life to live to its fullest!
Sleep? I have not really slept in almost 18 months.I have spent the night breathing and napping; however, I have not slept.So this would be the place where I spend my time when the family is all tucked in for the night.
While researching for another article, I came across this quote from a blog I have recently discovered - Annie at http://anniegirl1138.com/
Ann writes in her last entry:
"At any rate, widowed stories are a dime a dozen and let’s face it, it’s only widowers who are “hot”. They are like unicorns below a certain age and capture the fancy and tug at heartstrings more than widows, who are just another breed of single mom for the most part."
I roared - side splitting laughter ~ then I got curious!
I Googled "widow" found images such as ....
However, I believe the above is in reference to ...
There were many pictures of beautiful, polished women ... hmm... but I seem to recall that I really did not look into the mirror for many months.
Then I Googled "widower" and found ...
and wait ...
There were many other images/pictures that I did not publish for they look like pictures of real people ... so I will let you do your own browsing.
I am so interested in knowing what you feel/discover ... leave me a comment or eMail me.
Something I wore ... and continue to wear. This jacket hangs at the door of my "woman" cave ... aka - my beloved garage. Actually, I not only wear it there, I wear it everywhere when my bones rattle with cold - even to bed. Odd thing coming from a menopausal woman ... and very telling that there is no man in that bed! *wink*Sexy!
My mother always said, you can not adore "things" ... so for day three of this photo challenge, I present to you the things that are so special to me and continue to be instruments of healing ...
Drum roll please ....
All those things that keeps me connected and grounded ... cell phone for text messages in the dark of night knowing that someone is out there, my iPad for receiving eMails coming in and viewing another TV series when the silence of the night is defeaning, my camera to capture the images that are in my heart and my laptop to share through my blog. Most important are my journals of grief, hope and blessings. I have a new journal ... my journal of "I'm pissed!" It was such a breakthrough to acknowledge and give myself permission to be "pissed".
Given the forecasted busy January schedule and the brain drain in writing so much for work, I got quite excited about this photo challenge from a sister in widowhood. So I have accepted the challenge for the month to explore with my camera.
Should be fun ...
#1 - Me
Me in my beloved garage ... although, one of my New Year's resolution is to spend less time in this space and more in the sunlight!
#2 - Breakfast
Still feeling a little under the weather from a flu bug, I could only stomach a warm beverage ... or two ... or three! Having coffee in my new cup, a Christmas gift from a dear friend.