Dear Bill

Dear Bill - it's me, your loving wife and best friend.

Eight and a half months now since you were taken.  I say taken because I now know in my heart, that because you loved me so much, you would not have wanted this pain for me.  As I have said to you before, I loved you as much and I would not have wanted you to feel even a moment of this pain.  Are you listening?

Every morning, I make the choice to get up and grieve you in the sunlight.  Every morning, I look into our boys' rooms to make sure that they are doing okay.  Every morning I put one foot in front of the other and keep my heart open for a blessing.  Are you watching?

Everything still feels so very strange.  The sound of my laughter, my cry and sometimes even my breathing.  Are you listening?

There are more okay days sprinkled with melancholy than there are days covered by the shroud of my grief; those days I can't even breathe!  But you are always in my thoughts and in my heart.  I still talk about you to those who would listen - and even to those who have stopped listening.  You are still so very real to me!  Are you watching?

How can this be?  How can I not have you here with me?  I was angry with you yesterday.  I watched an older couple getting out of their vehicle smiling at each other and I cursed you for not being there as you promised you would be.  Are you listening?

Can you see me? Can you hear me?

I miss you my love!