Life's little pleasures ...

And time remembered is grief forgotten,

And frosts are slain and flowers begotten,

And in green underwood and cover

Blossom by blossom the spring begins.

~ A.C. Swinburne

The day began like any other, coffee in hand, journal tucked under my arm and I made my way to my famous garage.  I sat on my familiar chair, plopped my coffee cup on the table and looked at the empty stool by the workbench.  An image of myself sitting at this same closed-in workbench only a few short months ago came to mind.  It was the image of me, writing frantically in my journal, shoulders slumped from the weight of my grief, looking downwards focused on my journal but really not wanting to look up into the empty future without Bill.  In my journal, I remained desperately connected.  My heart went out to this person in grief.  Today I am able to sit at the open table.  I am able to look up at the Bill's mammoth-sized picture and I am able to remember the day of that picture with a smile and no longer with a cry of pain.  This is not to say that I no longer have those moments, but they no longer consume my days and nights.  Bill remains in my every thoughts.  However, it is different now.  I continue to miss him dearly and there remains an unspoken primal cry at the back of my brain and in my heart.  I would love nothing more than to have one more day with him, but it is different now.

Easter morning!  I remember the first Easter we spent in this house.  There was only our oldest son and Bill wanted to make it special - as he always did.  Thank goodness our children had Bill - he had the gift of bringing the magic in all holidays!  So the night before, Bill walked through the snow to the back of the house being careful that his footprints were not seen from our son's favourite window.  He then carefully placed this huge white stuffed bunny rabbit facing the window.  I still see Bill, flashlight in hand fussing with the rabbit's ears and paws so to make this silly stuffed animal look as animated as possible.  He was quite pleased with himself when he got back and looked through the window and noticed that the rabbit did indeed look like it had just suddenly appeared out of nowhere and that it seemed to be waiting to be discovered. I loved watching the excitement of anticipation on my husband's face!

Memory by memory my Spring begins.

Happy Easter everyone!