Do I scare you?

I was musing today ... does the fact that I am a Widow scare people?

Okay, I will give you this one  ... "Have you seen the girl lately?  She obviously doesn't look in the mirror much! "

Let me rephrase ....  Does my tragedy make people uncomfortable?

I think for some, it does.  May I dare to say for most to some degree?  I think it is more than just not knowing what to say, or afraid that I might start to cry suddenly.  I think it is because I represent a reality most do not want to face and would rather pretend that it won't happen to them.  Been there - done that.  Actually, when Bill laid on the floor dying, I remember thinking, "This can't be happening to us!  This happens to other people!"   It is much like, "If I can ignore or make light of the situation, then I do not have to look at the face of death."

We are all familiar with the statistics on today's marriage.  There is a 50/50 chance that a marriage will end in divorce.  However, there is a 100% chance that if you don't get divorced first, one will be left behind to grieve.  Think of it ... 100% certainty!  Will that be you?

Eight months later, this elephant in the room has become huge!  For the most part, people have stopped talking about it ... at least with me.  I imagine the conversations (or thoughts) others are having.  So sad it happened to Ginette and her boys.  But my musing brought me to thinking ... it has not happened to them "Yet", but it will.  Someone is always left behind to grieve, we simply do not know when, including me. 

I think I have earned the right to be selfish and to hope that if I ever remarry, I get to die first.  Seriously.  I don't ever want to do this ever again.   Hmmm ... maybe there is some value to this new growing trend ... Cougar!  Just kidding!

To bring this back in focus, I sometimes believe that I represent a reality that no one wants to face.  The reality that this could happen at any time and that I am a reminder that life is unpredictable.

Being the "silver-lining" kind of gal that I am, I have to think that this is not a bad thing.  I hope that I am living evidence of life's unpredictability.  That it is simply a reminder to hug each other tighter, to say, "I love you" more often and never take for granted that tomorrow will be there.