... I put down these memorandums of my affections in honour of tenderness, in honour of all those who have been conscripted into the brotherhood of loss ...
~ Edward Hirsch
When I was first "conscripted" into the sisterhood of widowhood, I knew not how, knew not if, knew not why. For the first time in a very long time I was so very vulnerable. Everything felt like fresh salt being poured over my raw wound of grief; everything reminded me of what I had lost. This did not have to be big things and were most certainly found in the smallest things that triggered precious memories - his laugh, the cultured sound of his voice, the warm content feeling that settled in my heart when I watched him moving around the kitchen in his jeans and T-Shirt. One by one, memories started flashing back, each one feeling like another link to a very heavy chain that wrapped itself around my heart.
With time and the many revisiting of each memory, the links of grief started to transform, refashioning a beautiful light chain of memories - his laugh, the cultured sound of his voice, the warm content feeling that settled in my heart when I watched him moving around the kitchen in his jeans and T-Shirt. These are now gifts from a life Bill and I share. This chain is now accessorized with how his laughter lives on in his sons, the memories of our pillow talks made more intimate by the deep sound of his cultured voice and the times he would purposefully take off his socks while working in the kitchen in his jeans and T-Shirt knowing that this was such a turn on for me. These are gifts that can never be taken away.
For almost a year now, I have shared my journey with you and I trust that you have taken from it that I have honoured and trusted the process of grief and of healing knowing that a new day will come. As I often state, after the storm the sun is sure to shine!
Well a new year has come - 2012. To my brothers and sisters in widowhood - and in grief - may you have many tender moments in the new year that will remind you of not what you have lost but what you have because you have loved and been loved.
remind you of not what you have lost but what you have because you have loved and been loved.
ReplyDeleteMay I simply return these words to you, Ginette, with my wishes that you are beginning a year that will be filled with peace and blessings.