Rewind please ...

Thank goodness it is Friday.  My life has been so very full, for so very long now.  Tonight is our Christmas Recognition Evening.  Yes you read right ~ Christmas!  As I sit here listening to the Christmas Mix of dinner music I burned, my heart is beating wildly.  How can it be?  Another season ... another year almost over ... another Christmas.

In a recent eMail to a dear friend, I spoke of how Bill and I loved this very special evening.  An opportunity to get all dressed up and drive to the richly decorated hall and I oh so loved taking his arm as we walked in the hall knowing that I was with the best looking dude around.  Once seated, I would rest my hand on his knee, feeling the warmth of his being.  He would always look down to me, smile and wink knowing just how much work I had put into the success of the evening.  I loved the pride showing through.

I managed last year, partly because my two earth angels flanked me, making sure that I felt part of something bigger than me, partly because my boys were there playing the paparazzi for our Academy Awards theme, partly because my niece had graciously accepted to be my date for the night and partly because I was still so very numb. 

Tonight, I wrote to my friend, will surely feel more like walking the "green mile".  A lump is already forming in my throat ... I will need to remember to breathe.  I don't know if I will ever be okay with not being a couple ... not having Bill there to show off just how fortunate I am to be loved.  I have it in my heart, but sometimes it would be nice to rewind, even for just one more evening.