Friday's evening went well with many lovely people attending ~ indeed, a room filled with beautiful people, warm smiles and a contagious "joy de vivre". As always, the anticipation of something was worse than the actual event. It was difficult to walk into the room but the festive mood managed to sooth my heart as I realized that I was reinvesting in my life. I did, however, leave shortly before the dancing started and as I slipped slidded my way back home ~ yes the snow is here ~ I was filled with a great sense of accomplishment. As I turned the key in the door, I was happy to note that I did not feel overwhelmed with sadness but looked forward to spending the rest of the evening with Bill in our quiet home.
Yesterday was made so very difficult with my decision to finally continue filling my Rubbermaid bin with all things "Bill" found in our room. All things that continue to be a source of sadness and not a smile.
This of course is a project that started way back in February and I am still not done. I am bringing it to the bare bones so that I can finally paint and accessorize the room. Each time I take a stab at it, I inevitably end up sprawled on the floor crying my heart out. However, I realize that with each new attempt, more progress is made. As I look around right now, there will be very little left to do before I can pull this off. I have often thought to ask someone else to finish, but I think it is therapeutic to do it myself ~ hmmm ... can I ask someone else to finish grieving for me? It has helped to realize that every time I pick myself up, and put away another few things, that I am not kicking Bill out, just adjusting to the change in our relationship.
I have removed the bin from my room and it will be stored in the basement where it will wait for the day that I can find the strength to remove its contents and make decisions.
The sun is shining again today!
Keep that sun shining.
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