Journal of Hope entry: August 20th, 2011
Grieving is exhausting. Unlike the first few months, when I seemed to be "wired", these past few weeks, my body and soul seem to shut down at the most inopportune times. I will be still in the moment with an open heart so that I can recall in gratitude your legacy. There always seem to be brighter moments waiting after these exhausting times.
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Just when I believe I am rising from the bottom of my broken heart, "bottom" is redefined. I linger there for a bit, thinking that I must be suffering from grief burn-out for I ache not only emotionally, but also physically. These are the times when I return to basics, breathe, swallow and blink. I am still with myself; from this vantage point I can relinquish and stop trying to control my sorrow. These downtimes are my crossroads that bring about choices. Choices that would have me "letting go" a little more of my grief so that I can be more effective at looking after the other parts of my life. Conscious and deliberate choices that have me "letting go" of Bill in grief.
What a beautiful expression of true emotion--and I love the picture.
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