Stiletto heals ...

Bill was and will always be a spiritual teacher in my life.  I think back in the early days of our relationship, I carried with me a large suitcase of hurts.  Being a believer of we are the sum of our experiences, my suitcase felt heavy with the recent events of my life at the time, I felt hurt all the time.  When we met, he did not take this suitcase from me but helped carry it, placing his hand of the handle next to mine.  What wisdom, what patience.

For a while, we held this suitcase together.  As our relationship grew and I now trusted him with its contents, we opened the case and viewed what was inside.  There was no need to remove any items just yet, but we simply and comfortably looked at them.  All the while, he let me borrow some of his clothes, some of his experiences and gave me laughter to wear.  What a beautiful garment, what a beautiful gift - laughter!

Our relationship came to a point of unpacking.  It was a difficult time, for my low self-esteem would have me wondering what he would think of me in this drab black suit.  His moustache twitched and he pointed out how that suit made me look like a teacher and then shared his story of the French teacher who always caught his teenage male attention!  Laughter and acceptance.  I learned to accessories this suit well, adding stiletto heals to stand taller, a lovely row of wisdom pearls and oh, let's not forget a very comfortable crisp white blouse, accentuating my assets.

Slowly but surely, my various suits and new accessories started to fill his closets and I had graduated to having my very own set of drawers.  Looking into the closet and the drawers was so much easier for in there I not only found acceptance but also those things we had chosen together.  Our closet.

There came a point in our relationship, when I thought it was time to store away my suitcase, feeling I had taken out all of its contents.  Bill looked in and started to take more out.  You forgot to hang this, or that.  There was no storing or throwing any of the contents, he loved the sum of my experiences.  The most memorable moment was when he took out my survival suit.  I love this one, he says.  It clings to you in all the right places.  It leaves very little to the imagination; it is tailor-made.  It shows off your strength and resilience and I know that you can stand on your own two feet; I like that in a person.  He often said that he knew he married me for more than just my looks, that I was the complete package - brains and looks.

As I stand (in my flat shoes) before my suitcase today, I am reminded of his patience, loving kindness, and laughter.  Gifts not left behind, but given throughout our relationship and my suitcase is full. 

I no longer wish to wear this suit of sadness for it truly is a dishonour to our relationship.

We continue to unpack together.  What new accessories will I wear when we meet again?