Saturday, August 13, 2011

Acceptance? Really?

As I sat soaking in my new tub late last night - or should I say early this morning - I was soaking in more than the obvious delicious warm water.  I was soaking in the words I had read earlier in the day.  The five stages of grief ... Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance (DABDA). 

I have poked fun at myself, as expressed in the Widow Card or Scarlet W, measured my journey by these markers and always had a difficult time with Acceptance.  The word acceptance ... acceptance?  I always felt like I needed to climb up on my "Sunlight Soapbox" to shout ... Acceptance?  Really?  But being such a dedicated good little griever, I "accepted" this from many professional sources.

There was justification last night as I reflected on my reading ...

"The classic term psychologists use for this step is acceptance and pain.  I do not refer to this step as acceptance because of Ann.  She joined our grief support group after her husband choked to death in his sleep.  I was talking about accepting our losses one day when Ann broke in to say, "Bob, the word acceptance carries with it some sense of approval and there is no way I will ever approve of my husband's death.  I'm ready to acknowledge that he is dead and he isn't coming back, but I refuse to accept or approve it!"  Every person in every group I have talked with since agrees with Ann."  ~ Life After Loss by Bob Deits

Thank you Ann!  There is much richness in the "lived" experiences.

Denial - this isn't happening to me!
Anger - why is this happening to me?
Bargaining - I promise I'll be ...
Depression - I don't care anymore.
Acknowledge - I know ... so now what?

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