Breathing in the moment ...

This has had to be the loneliest Christmas since my very first Christmas when I could not make it home for the holidays. 

As it should be, my family has found new interests and new friends, and they took advantage of a break from work to explore these new interests and join in the festivities of their new friends' families.  Last year, we found comfort in being together; this year was not the same.  The ghost of things to come came and I had a glimpse of what is to come - minus the tombstone.  I know that my life has had an impact and that I will continue to strive to be all that I can be for others - but for this year, I felt the full impact of being by myself.

I did not accept the few invitations to join other families in their festivities, feeling that I was most certainly not in the right frame of heart to partake in their merriment.  I knew that what is in my heart would only portray me as the "poor widow" ... or "old auntie" in the corner.  Maybe next year, I will not base my own happiness solely on my little family and will come to a place in my life where I can join in the festivities of others.

For now, I sit in this in between time,  Christmas and New Year, and go back to the simple basic need, reminding myself to breathe.  This too shall pass.