One week from Christmas! *Cripes* ... so much to do, and no emotional energy left to do it with!
I put up my real tree last night. The first in 20 years. The last year Bill was with us, he had promised that the next year, we would all go out as a family and pick the perfect tree to come home with. He so wanted his boys to know what a real tree was all about.
As I watched my purchased real tree fan out last night, I could not help but think that this would be the first real tree my boys will really remember ... Christmas #2 without Dad! Mom fell over and bonked her head and said, "We will have a real tree this year!"
I was up at 5:30 a.m. I went downstairs and made a strong cup of java and strung my lights in the tree. I then let the ribbon guide me through this beautiful tree - et voila! I often threatened Bill that I would one day let the tree be the tree and let only the lights and simple ribbon adorn it! This is the year. I sat back with my second cup and enjoyed the peace of looking into a simple, elegant and meaningful tree!
I then called and chatted with my sister. I relished in sharing my success story of yesterday's shopping when I found the perfect gift for one child ... she chuckled and I chuckled and when I got off the phone I cried. I cried because with Bill, by now, I would have the whole house decorated, the gifts purchased and wrapped and I would be looking into how best to spend Christmas Eve! I cried because the realization that this is it ... this is what it will always be ....
As I shared with my niece, from November 26th on ... the boys' morning alarm would be Christmas music blaring through the house. From November 26th on ... mornings were illuminated by the decorations throughout the house ... from November 26th on ... everything was about Christmas magic - the Bill magic? No, that was my magic!
Hmm... are you thinking what I'm thinking? Indeed - tomorrow morning is Christmas music ... full blast!!!! arrr matties ... my new treasure!
Hopefully, my boys will remember to tell our grandchildren, just how magical Christmas was growing up ... hope that they will tell our grandchildren that grandma was strong and kept us going as a family ... and hope that our grandchildren will know that they come from love ... come from magic!
I love this, Ginette. I'm tempted to put up a real tree also. I also like your mantra; I'm going to steal it. . .grandpa was strong and kept us going as a family. That's really what it's all about, isn't it? Nice that you're writing again.
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