Priceless ...

I often joke about not sending the men with white coats and straitjackets to my place.  However, I must admit that there were times when I feel my grief is pushing me over the edge into insanity.  Actually, come to think of it, they don't come as often anymore, but they still come.

Case in point, last Sunday, I really did feel invisible.  The spirit was moving me to strap on my snowshoes and slip my camera packsack onto my back and to go out into the bush.  I had worked hard on Saturday to ensure time for myself with my camera and nature's healing power.  Other obligations came in and muffled the spirit's calling.

Some of it was from a friend who on two occasions made reference to Bill and me as two other people, then there was a call from another grieving friend to join him for a cup of coffee, only to find that while chatting with him, his eyes roamed the coffee shop and never really landed on me.  Then getting home, I noticed that what had not been completed on Saturday's cleaning spree, the pixies (a.k.a. kids) had not taken up the challenge to finish.  I started finishing up the task at hand, all the while listening to their laughter as they indulged in the planning for the super bowl and friends coming over.  Yup, you guessed it, I was having a great self-pity party!  But all the while, this self-pity party was different.  I truly felt invisible.  I didn't quite get that.

What did become apparent, is the familiar feeling that I often get in times of high stress, "If only I could slip away ... anything is better than this pain."  Of course, I know that this is not possible and it really is not meant for my journey with grief.  So I picked myself up and dusted myself off - yikes!  Was that my dust cloth full of Pledge?  Well there are far worst smells than lemon!

Moral of this story is to move where and when the spirit calls you ... and make sure you have a clean cloth in hand!

Again, I am reminded that my story is shared with the hope for others who are moving through this journey, to know they are not alone and that even if there continues to be moments like these ... we will be okay!

Priceless!