Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Anxious over letting go ...

For the past week, I find myself quite tired.  Saturday was spent in my garage unable to motivate myself to complete the most basic of tasks, yet there was something different.  I was becoming excited and anxious about ... about?  I lay blame on a very hectic week at work and the one coming up.

Waking up this morning, that same feeling of anticipation and anxiousness overcame me and I was itching for it to be time to get up.  Looked at the clock and saw that it was only 3:30 a.m.  *groan*  Blaming my new boarder, menopause, I turned over and laid very still willing myself back to sleep.  The day is going to be too busy for me to be tired. 

While laying there I became thankful that Bill was not there for surely, my restlessness would be keeping him up.  I could toss and turn all I wanted or needed to without waking him up.  Dang menopause, I heard about this from other women .... Wait a minute!  Did I really think that?  ... I became thankful that Bill was not there ... a bit of confusion set  in.

Although the thought was with concern over his wellbeing, it was still a thought that he was not there and I was taking stock of where I'm at in my life.  Taking ownership of what I need to do to function at work and at home, without him.  I rearranged my messy bed and sprawled full length in it. I fell asleep


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