Fatherhood Trilogy ... Benjamin

A proud moment ... meeting his first born Benjamin.

What Bill appreciated most of his son Ben is his resilience.  Benjamin Canoe Head as he often called him with a great deal of affection.  Benjamin was born with a heart defect that caused his heart to beat so fast for so long, it would tire and stop.  We spent many nights and days, watching over him.  I still remember the night I had spent most of the night up stimulating Ben when he was struggling.  By 5:00 a.m., I knew I needed some sleep and woke Bill up so that he could watch over him so that I could get a couple of hours sleep.  Ben had been placed on a monitor and when his heart would start to accelerate, an alarm would sound.  We had been taught manoeuvres to help the heart come back to a normal rhythm.  Laying in bed, half asleep half awake, I heard the alarm go off and listened for it to stop.  It did not.  Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I looked up to see Bill rushing into the room saying, "I can't get him back!"  He laid little ashen Ben on the bed next to me and in perfect unison, we began our manoeuvres.  One gentle gasp after another, Ben began to breathe again.  He was three months old.  This started our trips to Sick Kids.  I remember having the discussion with Bill, after Ben was finally diagnosed and prescribe medication.  Bill was devastated that this was a lifetime, or rather a lifestyle for Ben.  He felt the full weight of the responsibility of administering medication, of the need to monitor a balanced lifestyle.  The same conversation later in life, Bill stated that at first, he had found it hard but it soon simply came to be a way of life.

There were many beautiful memories, too many to list.  So I have to decide on which one that seems to be the most memorable ... at least the one that Bill often told the story.

Benjamin learned to speak two languages at a very early age.  As a result, the pronunciation of certain words was a little challenging, one of which was TRUCK... yup you guessed it ... it came out at F ...ck.  Ben always carried a few cars and trucks in his pockets, everywhere we went.  He was assured of having something to play with.  This was no different on the Sunday morning, Ben was being carried back to our phew after attending Sunday School.  High up in the air, in his little meaty hand, he held a truck.  Loving people, he wanted to communicate with them and share what he had in his hand.  All the way up the isle, this little person with a red truck in his hand was showing people his f...ck - f...ck - f....ck! While I froze with embarrassment, Bill simply smiled, watching people's reaction then went to claim our son.  As I looked up to father with his son in arms, I read a great deal of humour and pride in Bill's eyes and a great deal of love between the two.  Unconditional love.

No more trucks in Benjamin Canoe Heads pockets again while a trip in public was planned.