Although this is my last instalment on my six-part series, I suspect it will be the most difficult one to write. It is no secret that the relationship was strained at the best of times and by the time we did have a relationship, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer. So why do I consider June one of my great loses? That question is both simple and complex.
The simple answer would be because she was Bill's mother. Because of her, because of her love, generosity and nurturing, I had a wonderful husband, friend and soul mate. Because of her "fun" nature while her children were growing up, my children had a father who could offer the "magic" in Christmas, the "fun" in indoor camping, and the "generosity" of his time. Because of her, our family was made richer with strong values and morals.
The complex part to the question is that while we grew as a couple, things were always made more difficult because of the "Junie" factor. I often wondered what I was doing so wrong for her to dislike me so much. At first, we attributed it to the fact that Bill's Dad died on February 14, 1984 and I met Bill on June 27, 1984. Wrong timing. She was 54 when she became a widow - I was 51 when I was widowed. What a loss for not being able to share with her, widow to widow. As the years went on, her behaviour became even more difficult to deal with and her grandchildren found it more difficult to spend time with her. What a loss for her grandchildren not to have known the real June, the one her children had known. Through it all, I always kept it in my heart that she had made Bill possible for me to love. What a gift! What a loss not to have had enough of a relationship with her to be able to thank her for this.
Things became clearer when she was finally diagnosed. All the years of wondering what was so wrong with me to have this person dislike me so much. What a loss for not being able to support her in a very different way, had we known what was wrong. To confirm her diagnosis, there was an assessment done that confirmed that the dementia could be recorded as far back as when she was 54. There was so much clarity in the diagnosis.
As I write this, I feel Bill and June all around me. I loved you June for what you made possible for me and my boys, but today I can say I love you for being you. I saw you in Bill, I see you in your girls, I see the influence the power of a mother's love in your oldest son. Thank you. The world has been made brighter because of you.
In the last days of June's life, I was there by her side. There was healing in these hours and days. As I lay my head next to hers while she took her final breaths, my heart found peace.
I will honour your memory in being generous with my time and my love with our boys.
Yet another facet of you made visible. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story about the trials and tribulations of learning to relate to someone who was so important in your husband's life.
ReplyDeleteI was blessed to have a mother-in-law who loved me and I loved her back. She and Gwen were very close and I imagine they are keeping a pretty good eye on me even now.