Duct Tape Anyone?

I have been reading much about grief recovery these days.  Recovery?  Is my heart really broken?  It sure felt like it on Monday.  As I laid there looking into my sister's worried eyes, I wondered how difficult it is for her to watch me go through this.  I also wondered if she still sees me with Bill.  You know that picture I so often write about, the picture of Bill and Ginette?

When I got up yesterday morning, I was still feeling under the weather.  I plopped myself down on the daybed hoping that this would not be a day like the previous.  Poor widow me ...  *mental note* ... need to buy my shares in the Kleenex company.

I got up a couple of times, wandered over to the keyboard and stared at the blank screen.  Few words go up ... *delete*.  Few more words .... yes, I think I can put words to what I'm feeling ... *delete*.  Shut the lid, wander away.  What would you have me say Bill?  Who wants to read the dark side all the time?  You are about laughter!

What to do?  Bath, yes!  I slip into the tub with the window wide open and listen to the birds chirping away watching the steam rising from the water.  Time to concentrate on my list of things to do.  No ... too long!  What to wear?  "Something pretty," I hear.  Yeah!  I slip into my Capri's and sling T-Shirt, I look around to find the perfect accessories.  Touch of perfume.

What else?  Reach for another grief recovery book, run my fingers through ... nope, nothing there to intellectualize what sits in my heart ... back to the keyboard.  Okay, write what is in your heart.  Post my blog and feel good about my accomplishment.  Bathed, dressed and wrote my blog.  Not a bad day so far. 

Next ... counselling session.  Feeling lighter, looking brighter, reconnecting ... Driving home, I am reminded of a great love, Bill's love for his family.  Put the key in the front door, jiggle it until it finally gives passage and I hear myself grumble ~ not quite like a Christmas story kind of grumbling but pretty close.  *chuckle*  I can't help but wonder if you are laughing.  Oh yes, you are now really laughing as I slip in the dog's pee, almost losing my loot of a supper!

Okay Mr. Fix It ... where did you put all the duct tape? I kind of need some for this heart of mine!