Where's the book?

There are days when it still hurts so much, and other days not so much.  One thing is for sure, the melancholy is always there.  Some days, I wonder why I feel so bad then other days I remember vividly why.  Must be the anniversary thing and all I can do is sit and be still and feel.  I sense my grief is deepening and I wonder am I never going to feel better?

A year later, I sit still with the truth that I love Bill and he loves me.  To heal means to accept his death and to stop being a prisoner of my anger and denial, to accept that which I cannot change.  The challenge now is to find the way.  I'm not so sure that time is all that is needed to heal this wound but also the choices I make.  Dang, where's the recipe book, the instruction manual?