Over the last couple of weeks, I have been stewing about my loss. My heart has truly been with Bill, not in a sad way, for l truly believe he continues to live in me, in his boys and in all who were blessed by knowing him. The sadness is more about the loss of a lifestyle. You know the one, filled with the simple gifts. I remember, so many times, coming home from a long day at work and saying, "I need a hug." Instantly, without question, I found myself back in my "safe place" and the cares of the day washing away.
Last night, my youngest son informed me that he will be moving in with a friend this weekend. My heart stopped for a moment and I managed to hold back the tears until he went out. I paced, sat then paced some more, all the while tears of abandonment poured out. So soon? Why now? Are you not happy here? ... sound familiar?
I took a look around this big old house, and it already seems that much bigger and emptier. Loss of a lifestyle. The simple gifts of hearing my son's laughter every day, of stepping into his bedroom in the morning to wish him good morning, of asking him about his day - changed.
I need a hug.
No comments:
Post a Comment