Moments like these ...

I take it that there will always be moments like these.

I spent the end of last week preparing to take wedding pictures.  Starting with a mock photo shoot on Wednesday, spending most of Thursday evening and early Friday morning sorting through the various poses that would suit this couple then the taking of the first official pictures on Friday evening at the rehearsal party.  I thrived in the "all consuming" task.  Saturday rolled around and I was off to take the picture of the bride and her bridesmaids - makeup, hair then off to her home for the getting dressed giggles.

Zipping through the streets from one appointment to another, my mind exploded with more possible shots and then came down to the task of organizing the official shots on the 7th hole.  There was no room for grieving for I was in the purest happy moments of another's life.  The bride is sweet and her father so obviously proud.  I moved from one picture to another, watching all this happiness from my viewfinder.  Bridesmaids, flower girl, pic with Mom then pic with Dad.  My throat constricted a moment when a spontaneous shot presented itself with Dad giving his daughter a great big hug and a peck on the forehead.  Click.  A genuine moment captured.

Off we go to the golf club, where the families and friends are already gathered.  I look through the crowd and spot my two beautiful sons who actually got dressed and made their way out to the golf club on their own with no assistance from me.  *Gulp*  No more time to dwell on this, the wedding party is setting up for the walking down the aisle.  No time to pay attention to the ache that is settling in my heart.  Click, click, click ...  I do's are spoken, tears of happiness spill and recorded and off to the 7th hole for the official non-official shots.  We had very little time to waste, there was a crowd waiting to be fed and wanting to dance.  Tired and somewhat apprehensive on the quality of pictures taken, we finish the shoot and head off to the club house.  More giggles, smiles and happiness.

The banquet begins with a request for a kiss by the new couple.  Click, click, click ... more spontaneous moments of happiness captured.  Shovel some food down and then came the speeches.  They were short and to the point, ending with Daddy saying how proud he is of his little girl. 

The evening goes on with all of the traditional dances and moments with the cake, bouquet and garter.  I finally get to put my camera away.  I am tired and I watch the guests dancing.

I guess there will always be moments like these ... a song comes on and as I watch the dance floor fill with couples gazing in each others' eyes I seek refuge in a corner to finally let a tear roll.  I miss dancing, I miss Bill.  He was with me all this while, feeling his presence when I doubted myself during the day and smiling when I knew I had captured a great shot.

As I have penned before, I wonder what I am grieving ... this was definitely not a moment of grieving a lifestyle, but rather the man who loved to dance with me.