To quote myself, " ... to holding on tight to my grief instead of holding it lightly in my heart so that it can slowly lift away from me." (March 6, 2011 Holding on to Bill)
Given the events of this week and my reactions to said events, I believe that I am well on my way to mastering holding on to my grief lightly. I would even dare say that there are true moments of letting go. How very comforting to know that this can actually happen; that one can actually let go of grief's hand and still have your loved one with you.
This does not mean that I don't miss Bill - I do, but it is somehow different now. Missing him no longer renders me to a crumpled heap on the floor, it simply means that my heart sometimes misses a beat or I suddenly grow a lump in my throat. It does not mean that I am all alone, it simply means I am sometimes lonely. It does not mean that I can't see a future without him, it simply means I have a future influenced by him and wish that he could still be here.
I recall reading other widow/ers blogs, where they wrote about reaching this point in their journey and thinking, "They could not have loved their spouse as much as I did!" ... and now I understand. They never fell out of love, they simply chose to live with their loved one in their heart.
... holding on to grief lightly in my heart so that it can slowly lift away.
Indeed, time does not heal, it is what you do with this time that matters.
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