What is in a day?

On the morning of Monday, July 26th, 2010, I lay in bed listening to my husband sneaking around looking for his clothes to get to work.  He was good to me this way - giving so much and asking nothing in return.  I sometimes close my eyes first thing in the morning in hopes to hear the quiet rustling of his movements through the room!

I was still tired and decided to let him move around without getting up to see him off to work - I had the day off and I was going to sleep a little while more so that I could tackle the task of painting the back deck later.  (The back deck remains unfinished!)  I wonder, would that 40 minutes more with him have made a difference?

The day promised to be a good one, with warm weather and the anticipation of great fun in the evening with two ball hockey games.  I was excited to get started the day because it would bring me closer to Bill being home.  As usual, he came home for lunch and as usual I rattled on through the lunch hour about this and that.  I continued to paint through the afternoon and to listen to West Wing.  By the end of it, I was feeling a little high from the paint fumes and feeling a little peaved because no one was helping. 

My mood changed for there around the corner came Bill, holding a couple of coffees in his hands, wearing his brown pants and brown shirt - YUM!  He stood drinking his coffee with the sunlight dancing on his beautiful silver hair and as usual, I went weak in the knees at the sight of this beautiful man - 26 years of looking at him and this never got old!  Again, I was going on about how I hoped all the girls would be out for the co-ed game because I was playing a women's game before and being new to the sport, was not sure if I could be on the surface for all the second game.  He smiled at me and said it would be okay - he was always saying it would be okay!

He made me a sandwich and hurried the boys up to get ready for the game.  Little did we all know that this would be our last conversations - me with my husband, my love, my best friend and the boys with their father, their mentor and also best friend!  It was over before we knew it.  After our co-oed game, Bill came home and died.  In a heartbeat, our lives were forever changed.

I often go back to this day in my mind and it never seems to get easier.  I still expect to see him come around that same corner, with that beautiful grin on his face and expect him to say, it will be okay!