There are many shades of grief. Our grief is based on our life experiences before our loss. Our grief is based on the many losses we might have had before this loss. Our grief is based on the relationship with our husband/wife before their death.
"Unlike you, she sees these new challenges as opportunities" says a friend of mine when I inquired about how a new sister in widowhood is doing. My jaw dropped.
Am I not the queen of drying lint? Am I not the expert carpet ripper? Am I not the newly dubbed sub-contractor? Am I not the daily blogger? Have I not become an explorer of new worlds? Am I not a survivor?
Let's back the bus up and realize that there are many shades of grief and that our life experiences will influence how we will/will not publicly display our grief. I have chosen to openly share my grief so that it can be an inspiration to others who have yet to live this loss. An inspiration that despite all the crazy thoughts, all the tears, all the moments of desperation and all the dark days along the journey, there is life after.
Let us simply assume, and help me out my dear brothers and sisters in widowhood, that this new widow is simply wearing her "mask". And that is okay.
As I have said before, please do not compare my grief to another.
Yikes! Sorry for the bitterness ~ but there will be moments like these.
There are bitterness and righteous indignation; I think that yours is the latter.
ReplyDelete". . .others that have yet to live this loss." I know that I couldn't imagine how this would feel until I experienced it. Put it on a billboard: "grief takes as long as it takes; grief looks the way it looks."
You sound pretty upset, not bitter. The first time I was told this, now realize it has been three years for me, I came unglued. It took me two years before I could openly speak about my husbands death. I wasn't in denial, I was in shock for two years. So yes, everyone grieves and time, in my humble opinion, doesn't make it better, it just makes it more tolerable. Its not an opportunity for you, in fact its not fun at all dammit, but maybe this is the only way the other person can tolerate life without someone he/she loved deeply.
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