First year and getting over it ...

I heard it again - the first year is the hardest.  I can't seem to be able to quantify nor qualify the meaning of this statement.  After all, in my ignorance, I once uttered these words ~ okay, maybe twice!  So what do they mean?  Does it mean that on July 26th, 2011, I will be done with this grief?  I will suddenly hit the switch and will see light again?  I want to see this switch - it has the potential of making me a very rich widow!

I assume that it is because I have had a very rich love with Bill, that I am mourning.  To "get over it" seems quite impossible for it is not possible to "get over" the love we shared. 

I have a post-it hanging in my cupboard at work on which I have scribed ... I will not confuse this grief with who Bill means to me.  When I feel that this is all I remember of Bill ... the sadness of losing him ... I go back to this post-it.  I know that my memories of Bill will always be infused with a tinge of sadness.  However, with every new memory, I remind myself of my blessing ~ to have such rich memories and to have known a love without borders!  Sometimes I get to do this before the tears begin, and sometimes not.  It is my attempt to separate Bill from my grief over the loss.  In doing so, our love will continue to enrich my life.

There is no first year - for the first of everything is a lifetime.  There is no "getting over it", for I want Bill's love to continue influencing my life.  There is simply getting through grieving and that will take the time it takes.