Because I have been loved ....

Our joys as winged dreams do fly;

Why then should sorrow last?

Since grief but aggravates thy loss;

Grieve not for what is past.

~ Thomas Percy

I have written many times about not wanting to feel THIS forever.  I have walked the walk, talked the talk, acknowledging that I must befriend my grief in order to navigate through this journey to bring me to the other side where I can become whole again - in a different way.  Many times I stumble, many times I feel like such a fake for my heart continues to be filled with loneliness and despair.  I want to find this new person I am destined to become not despite my loss but because of my loss.  I often wonder if I will every fly again, then some peaceful experience offers me a glimpse of what can be, if I choose it to be.

I often speak with other widow/ers of not wanting to stay stuck here.  The wiser will simply say, it will take the time it will take, be kind to yourself and be patient.  Then there are those who seem stuck in their own grief will simply say, it will never be okay.

I am both blessed and cursed by my overachieving nature.

I am who I am today because of Bill's gentle love and support.  I will be who I will be because I have some control over how long I linger and because I have known Bill's love.